Shallow

I know the ending of my vanity post was shallow and I need to elaborate. The tanning bed and the sun worshipping that I should not continue to do is not the reason I wished I didn't get the areas removed and biopsied...sometimes it just seems like the less we know the better. Many people, my father for one, do not see doctors because they don't want to know if something is wrong or are afraid of finding out something is wrong. I see that as being somewhat rational and I completely share that mind set. Maybe that is why I think its rational? :) When my dad did finally start to see a physician regularly and did his yearly exams, there was always something found that caused concern, looked abnormal, needed more testing, needed biopsied and whatever else. The scare that is instilled in a person every time they see a doctor is enough to say "I'm finished with doctors"

Luckily I haven't reached that point. Now that a couple days have passed I am ready to take the bull by the horns and get this shit over with. This week I will have the surgery and be optimistic everything will be fine. I'm dreading it, but doesn't everybody? :)

I will post after I'm home. Thank you for reading!

Vanity

I have always been a vane (sp?) person. When I was younger I wouldn't leave the house without makeup, my hair would always have to be curled in case I ran in to somebody I knew, my clothes couldn't be left over from the night before, bla bla bla. You get the picture, right? :) Well, 18 years later I'm as vane now as I was then. Having a big electric wheelchair attached to me hasn't changed the way I want to look and want others to see on the outside.
I decided about a month ago I wanted to get two lesions removed from my face because I didn't like the way they made me look. I wasn't concerned really, just wanted them gone. I went to my doctor, she referred me to a surgeon, and two weeks after that I was having out patient surgery to have 3 areas removed. The surgeon found another tiny one tucked up under my bangs in my temporal region.
What I thought would be a simple procedure and quick recovery, was quite the contrary. I was on a liquid diet for 5 days, half my face was bandaged up like I had been cut from my head to my neck, I now have a 2" scar on the side of my face, and another 1" scar on my temple. All of that because I wanted 2 eraser sized lesions removed because I'm vane!! After the fact I said, "I will never electively put myself through that mess again"
So, after a week of going to the office for follow up appointments, this past Friday I went to have the last bandage removed, get the last of my stitches removed and be done with the doctor visits and the trips to Kettering.
Well, unfortunately that didn't happen. When I got in his office, he took the bandage off and sat down. He opened his chart and said two of those lesions were melanoma and I have to have another surgery to remove surrounding tissue and get a skin graft. I was stunned. It's like I heard him talking, but I didn't hear a word he said because my thoughts were going rampid to say the least.
Am I fortunate I went to have the areas removed? Or am I unfortunate I went to have the areas removed? If I would have left it alone and not had them looked at, I would never know and I could go on with life and continue my life style of laying in the tanning bed and enjoying the sun. Now, that I do know, I would be an idiot to continue to enjoy those things and not deal with the here and now!
I'm hating life right now!

So much for being rational

If you read my previous post you know I was having caregiving woes last week and wasn't sure how I was going to proceed. Well, I am not exactly proud of how I handled it, but its done with and hopefully the new nursing assistants I hired will work out wonderfully! :)

I hadn't had intentions on firing this person, but after she reacted so terribly when I told her we could not have a repeat of her actions the prior week and she went coo coo on me, I realized I wasn't dealing with a "full deck" if ya know what I'm saying! Soooo, good luck to her and hopefully she gets the help she needs! Buh-bye!

Have a great night!

Dependency sucks at times!

I am not one to dwell on the fact I'm a quadriplegic and need to depend on others, but at times the dependency takes its toll. First off, I have a handful of paid nurses and nursing assistants who come in everyday and help me with the things I need. These people are like my family. They have been with me for a long time and for the most part we get along great and things couldn't be better!

This week has been a different story, though! I've had a person call off their shift twice this week, which were all day shifts and could not be fully covered by somebody else because of the manner it happened. I know things happen, people get sick, kids get sick, people over sleep, cars break down, etc, but on the other hand, there are things that aren't okay and I'm not sure how to proceed on these scenarios. I've been going back and forth in my head what I need and want to do, but at times my frustration at situations like this can cause me to be irrational and in turn clouds my judgment.

I will say that I am fortunate to have a great group of peeps working for me and the incidents this week are few and far between, thank goodness! :)

Easter Egg Hunt 2

Yesterday was the easter egg hunt with the kiddies and it was so much fun! We started the evening off by having the kids find the easter eggs we had hidden earlier that day. We hid 66 plastic eggs around the yard, which they found mostly on their own, minus the couple times we dropped subtle hints and played the hot/cold game, which wasn't exactly helpful to 5 year olds who didn't understand "you're really warm" or "oh wow, you are freezing cold now" :)

After that we went inside and the kids opened their eggs to see what was inside. They found stickers, tattoos, money, candy and some eggs had a couple dog treats tucked inside so Buddy and Lady could reap the benefits, too. :) I think they preferred seeing stickers over the dog treats, but they handled it well. :)

We then went back outside to fly finger kites before it got dark. It was windy, so a perfect evening to fly them. It was comical watching them run around the yard dodging each other and dodging Lady because she was chasing them and their kites. :) She got her exercise that night!

After kite flying we went inside and ate cup cake ice cream cones and dyed easter eggs before our night ended.

Easter Egg Hunt

Tomorrow I'm having family and friends over to color easter eggs and have an easter egg hunt outside....it will be my brother, his wife, my nephews, my brother's twins nieces on his wife's side, my nursing assistant and her son. I'm hoping my older niece and nephew will come for awhile, too. Hopefully the kids will have fun!

Today my nursing assistant and I took the dogs to the park and it was like nailing jello to the wall. They were not behaving! Buddy ran out of the van before we could get his leash on, Lady followed suit, dumped in the grass and we didn't have paper towels or a bag, they were both pulling hard on their leashes to get to another dog, my N.A and I had a small misunderstanding and on the way out the other dog came up to the door as we were loading up and Buddy jumped out and they got in to it. NOT a good day at the park, unfortunately.

Have a great evening!

More about myself

Those who know me know what a huge animal lover I am. As I have already mentioned I have two dogs, but if I had the room, the money and the means I would have many more! Its not just dogs I go ga ga over, its any animal. That is one of the many things I miss now that I'm a quadriplegic. I miss holding and petting the wonderful furry friends in my life!
Because of my passion for animals, when I hear stories of animal abuse, I really take it to heart. I cannot understand why or how any human being in there right mind would intentionally hurt an animal. Animals are so innocent.
The latest story of animal abuse that has me consumed and obsessing over is the brutal beating and killing of the 3 month old baby alpaca here in Ohio, named Masterpiece. Three people (I'm sorry, I mean sick monsters) are being charged. Two teen boys who are 17 and a 22 year old who is mother of a 2 yr old and a wife who's husband is in the military and deployed. (Newspaper stated) Hmmmmm....her husband is serving our country while she is taking part in killing an innocent baby alpaca with two 17 yr olds boys and god only knows where her child was while she was doing this!!
I heard the boys are being kept locked up behind bars because of death threats. I have no sympathy. They also could be charged as adults, which is what I hope happens. Today they went to court and were ordered to get psych evaluations and will go back to court again May 7. I'm so not happy about that!
My bf and I really don't see eye to eye on this at all. He thinks I'm too involved (ok, obsessed) emotionally and need to let it go. He says the legal system will deal with it in a just way and the media should step aside. I feel the opposite. I think the more people who express there anger and anguish over these assholes disgusting actions, the better!
Okay, on that note please go to the website link on my blog and vote for house bill 55. HB55 is to stiffen up animal cruelty laws in Ohio. Right now animal cruelty in Ohio (for house pets) is a misdemeanor. If you go to the link called Masterpiece, the baby alpaca, you can vote for house bill 55 there and read the devastating story about Masterpiece.

A little about myself

In 1992 (on June 21) I was in a car wreck that left me a quadriplegic from the neck down. I was 22 years old.

After the wreck I spent 3 months at a hospital in Dayton. Six weeks of that time was in the rehab unit where I received vigorous physical therapy and occupational therapy to help me work with the parts of my body I didn't lose function of. For me it was operating a computer with shoulder shrugs and turning pages of a book with a stick in my mouth, etc.

After the hospital stay I went to live in a nursing home in Springfield. That was the closest nursing home that accepted patients on ventilaters. I was there from 1992-2002, just under 10 years. I don't recommend anybody go live in a nursing home unless they have exhausted all other options, but it wasn't all bad. I met some wonderful people there, some whom I have remained very close to!!! :)

Since then I have had surgery to have a diaphragmatic pacer implanted so I can breathe with that instead of a ventilater and have had my trache removed. :)

I get up in my wheelchair everyday and get range of motion to my arms, hands and fingers as well. Every evening I get transferred to a standing frame which allows me to stand in an upright position while stretching my ankles, back and legs which is beneficial for oodles of reasons. I try to stand for two hours while I watch tv or a movie.

Well, that is all for now. Have a great night!

Intro

Hi, my name is Cynthia. I usually go by Cindy, but either works for me. :)

I live in Ohio and have lived here all my life. I live with my boyfriend, Steve and we have been together for around 9 years. He moved to Ohio from Delaware in 2002. We don't have children, but we do have two dogs, Buddy and Lady who are like our children and we love them unconditionally! Buddy (our alpha dog) is a 7 yr. old black lab and Lady is a 4 yr. old border collie. I also have a betta fish named Nugget who keeps me company while I'm on my computer. :)

I have a twin sister (no, we don't know what one another are thinking and feeling) and a brother who is 8 years younger than my twin and I. My sister has two children, my niece who is 17 and my nephew who is 15. My brother has two sons, my nephews, who are 7 and 5. I love spending time with my Niece and Nephews...they bring fun and entertainment when they are around.

Steve has one sister and one brother, both who live on the east coast. Steve's sister has 4 children who range from ages 12, 11, 10 and 8. The kids come to Ohio every summer with Steve's Mom and its always nice to visit with them. :) We wished they lived closer so we could spend more time with them, but Steve does get to Delaware once or twice a year to visit, also.

Well, I will end here. I will be back in the next couple days to write more.