Relationships part 2

I'm back again to finish my tirade about disabilities and relationships. :)

When I became disabled in 1992 I had been in a relationship for 5 months with a man I worked with at my factory job. Our relationship obviously didn't survive after my wreck and I was okay with it. I expected it. We were both young, had agendas, had routines and had dreams to chase. This tragedy happened, I couldn't escape it and there was no reason for us to pretend our relationship could continue to exist. After he and I parted ways, being in a relationship again didn't cross my mind for years. I never dreamed somebody would want me, a quadriplegic with a trache, paralyzed from the shoulders down.

In 1997 I was introduced to a wonderful invention that changed my life. You may have heard of it. It's called the world wide web. :) It was then that I began to go discover websites, disability chatrooms, forums and I also began to chat via instant message. I chatted with family, friends, people with disabilities and people who were attracted to persons with disabilities. Yes, you read that right. People who were attracted to persons with disabilities.

See, I was talking to a guy (through aol instant message)and he told me he was a devotee. I was confused and asked, "what are you devoted too?" He said "girls in wheelchairs". I was shocked! I couldn't believe such an attraction existed. While many people would think this is just down right disturbing, I was fascinated by the concept. For the first time since my injury, I actually felt like maybe there is somebody out there who will accept me and my disability and perhaps I will find love again.

Through the years from 1997 - 2002 I had met a few men online. I don't know if they were devotees or not, but I didn't care one way or the other. I think if people are attracted to persons with disabilities it doesn't classify them as freaks, monsters, weirdos, or whatever! When people with disabilities assume that devotees are weirdos because they are attracted to them, it makes me ask this question. What is it about yourself that you hate so much that you think somebody else cannot be attracted to you?

To be continued...

Disabilities and relationships

Today I had a conversation with somebody about disabilities and relationships and it made me realize how close minded people are.

The conversation started out being about this persons new boyfriend, who has been a diabetic for five years. She went on to say that because of his diabetes, it can cause some things to not fully function in the bedroom. After she shared this way too personal (and useless to me) information she said he was dating a woman last year, who was a paraplegic. As she was saying this, I literally saw a fricking light bulb go off in her head. At that exact moment she realized and shared with me that the reason he was dating somebody in a wheelchair was probably because he was compromised in the bedroom. In other words he lowered himself to date somebody who couldn't walk because she wouldn't get any satisfaction from an erect penis anyway because well, she's in a chair. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!

She looked at me as if she wanted my approval, my assurance or something! I looked at her and was dumbfounded by the bullshit that exited her mouth. I said, "I'm surprised you would think that way. People in wheelchairs can not only have sex, but they can be great lovers" I asked her "What makes you think he didn't have feelings for her?" She then began to trip over her words and back track what she said, which was visibly awkward for her.

The reason that this conversation left me dumbfounded is because I have been around this person on a regular basis for years and she knows I have a boyfriend. What blows me away even more, she has an adult daughter who has been in a wheelchair since birth. She has told me time and time again, "I wish my daughter would meet somebody like you have." Wouldn't that classify them as having short comings or being compromised? Pft!


To be continued...

Gas chamber

While performing one of my many daily facebook searches Sunday, I saw that Fort Jackson had an update on the D Company facebook page!! This update included 143 pictures of the soldiers in basic training completing the monstrosity of an obstacle course and the painful looking gas chamber!! Yowzers! I was able to see Tia in action after she left the gas chamber and as she was going through the course. She was on her back, in her fatigues and boots crawling under a rope. So great to see her! :)

Her boyfriend got a letter from her a few days. He said Tia was having a rough time adjusting as she wasn't making friends with any of the girls in her platoon and that she had even gotten an attitude from a couple of them. She said she was depressed and felt all alone! :( I can only hope that she is doing better by now and making friends. Tia is such a sweet girl I can't believe she is not making friends. I try and send a letter every day! She says the letters get her through the tough times!

I wish I understood...

I wish I had the ability to open up people's heads, take out their brain, unravel it and study the reasons why they do the things they do! If I had this remarkable ability my first brain observation would be my brand spanking new nursing assistant, who shall remain nameless!

She is cute, sweet, 30 years old, has two children and a shitload of ailments! Today she was suppose to be here at 4:00, calls me at 1:00 and says, "Cindy I'm not calling off, but (When she says but, it totally meant I'm calling off)I just got off work, I got 45 minutes sleep, I haven't eaten, I have an ulcer and I think the acids in my stomach are making me not want to eat. My head is foggy, too." In my head I am thinking how long is this diarhea of excuses going to continue, but that would be mean! So, I said, "Why don't you lay down for awhile, see how you feel and call me when you wake up" My gut told me this isn't really what she wanted to hear.

Anyway...I hadn't heard from her (no surprise) by 4:30, so I called her. Her Mom answers. Mom tells me, "yea, I was just going to call you. How ironic you called! "Name" isn't doing well. We have her in E.R right now, etc etc etc" I said, "Okay, well she is suppose to work this weekend and I need to know if I need a replacement" She interrupts "Oh no, she will not miss, she will get medicine for her stomach, go home, we go through this a lot" I reiterated the importance of me hearing from her tonight regardless and she again interrupts me and assures me I will be called.


This whole thing smells bad and leaves a sour taste in my mouth! My bf thinks I'm wrong and need to give people the benefit of the doubt like I'm a mean person. This is the second incident with her and the first time she missed a 10 hour shift and didn't call in or anything! I'm not mean, I'm stupid for giving her another opportunity to pull this stunt!

I'm still around! :)

Hello, I haven't posted in a little while and I began to feel guilty yesterday, so I made posting on my blog today a priority! I have been writing letters to my niece every day instead of updating my blog, but today I'm doing both! :)

We haven't heard from Tia in a few weeks because she doesn't have phone privileges right now, but Fort Jackson has a facebook page so families can see what their soldiers in Training do in basic training! Out of 115 pictures of the group Tia is in, we saw 0 of her! My sister and I were on the phone with each other yesterday and together we were also on facebook looking through these pictures, trying to see even the smallest glimpse of her face, her ear, her pony tail, her frickin finger, just SOMETHING, but to no avail! We were so delirious we were grasping at straws convincing ourselves somebody else's daughter was actually Tia! :) Well, this morning my sister posted a message and a picture on facebook about Tia. In one of those 115 pictures my sister spotted a duffle bag on somebody (who was cut out of the picture) that said Fox T. and her number. LOL!! Sooo funny!! Well, we know she is there, right!?!?

I took Buddy and Lady to the park today. It was a perfect day for the park. :) Two little kids wanted to pet them and well, they were soaking that attention right up. :) We walked them around for about an hour and left. While there, I saw that man I previously posted about, the one who I continue to run in to often. It could be totally coincidental, but none the less creepy!

Buddy is showing obvious signs of hip dysplasia. (sp?) I need to get him to the vet for x-rays and probably a regimen of tests to see exactly what is wrong, etc. He is limping and avoiding pressure on his left back leg. :(

I will go now! Take care and have a great weekend! I'm coloring my hair Saturday! Woot! :)

Not Guilty?? Seriously!!!

Casey Anthony was found not guilty today and I can't f$#king believe it! My jaw
dropped to my lap. I don't understand! This is somebody else getting away with murder right in front of our eyes! OMFG!!

She may have been found not guilty, but that doesn't imply she is innocent by any means!! She got lucky today. She got away with murder, but her day is coming and that day can't come soon enough! Ugh!

Happy July 4th weekend!!

I hope everybody has a nice holiday weekend!! I think I'm sticking around here unless we go to a party/music fest today. We were invited by one of the band members and I heard the guy having the "party" is the veterinarian I take my babies too. Can you say weird? The vet isn't weird, the idea of me going to a party and seeing him there is weird for me. This vet is pretty cool. The first couple times I took Lady, he seemed really matter of fact with no bedside manner whatsoever, but he eventually grew on me.

Last fall I went in there because my neighbor's 3 legged cat was in my front yard and appeared severely malnourished! This kitty needed help he/she was not getting at home. Okay, I need to back up and start from the beginning. Take a moment to get coffee or go potty. I will wait!

You back? :) Okay, this kitty, who I will call Lucky, came to my house and was sitting in the middle of my yard for a reason. This was another example of strays knowing which house they can come to and get help!! (In case you are confused, I'm referring to my post about animals). When my nurse assistant and I walked out the front door we both noticed Lucky immediately as he lay on his belly in the front yard not moving, just meowing! His meow was raspy and weak....upon us getting closer Lucky hobbled to us and began rubbing against my footplate. His eyes were cloudy, he was skinny, his mouth was swollen and something foul was oozing from his mouth. I decided to take him home and let his owner know he stumbled upon us and if they were looking for him, the search is over! In my opinion the kitty was in the condition it was in for a reason and that was pure neglect on their part. We drove Lucky to his home, my nurse assistant opened the van door, Lucky got out and they went to the door. Unfortunately nobody answered and Lucky jumped in the van! I'm serious, he wanted to go with us. We didn't know what to do but we both knew if Lucky didn't go with us he would be dead within days!

We then took him to Krogers and bought him a can of moist cat food and gave him some water, which he devoured even with the ulcer like sore in his mouth. We went back in, did the grocery shopping and when we came out to the van he was contently sleeping on the bench seat. We decided he needed to see a vet about his mouth. We took him to a vet across town and that was a waste of time and a waste of $89.00. She was an unprofessional bitch.... She continuously curled her nose up at the smell being omitted from his mouth (like he could help it) and she would not listen to what I was telling her. She gave him a shot of antibiotics and sent us on our way.

The next day he was worse! He would not eat, was very lethargic and not responding to our touch, our voices, nothing! We took him to the same vet I take my babies to and he said the cat was in bad shape! He would not give it an iv for dehydaration without doing blood work first because he felt this poor guy was sick with feline leukemia.

I then was faced with the decision to either spend more money on my neighbors cat who probably wasn't going to make it or put the kitty down and possibly face prosecution...I had a f&*king meltdown as this beautiful sick kitty layed lifeless on the table. The vet eventually helped me make the decision by confirming how sick Lucky was, how neglected he was and him making a recovery was nearly impossible. I then decided to have him put down, have him creamated and have his ashes spread in a park like setting where other animals ashes were spread. I felt doing it this way would give Lucky a better after life than his life here and now. He was a special kitty! :)