New computer equals major migraine!!

I got a new computer two weeks ago and it's been a pain in the a$$ trying to transfer my email!!!! I don't know why it can't be simple. It's the exact same email address, just different computers. I called customer service for roadrunner today, but nothing was resolved. I didn't feel like dealing with it after awhile so I lied and told him he fixed my problem. I will deal with it over the weekend!

Tomorrow we are going to a birthday party for one of my nurses and afterwards we are going to Jimmy's Cornerstone Bar and Grill, where Terrapin Moon is scheduled to play at 10:00pm. My nurse turned 44 years old yesterday and as much as I don't want to go to this party, she will take it to heart if we don't go. :( She likes to make a big to do of her birthday, where I'm just the opposite. It's just another day and I'd be perfectly happy if it goes by unnoticed! :)

Jimmy's Cornerstone bar was bought by Miami Valley Hospital (for expansion) and will be tore down soon. This will be Terrapin Moon's last show at this location before Jimmy's moves across the street in an old firehouse.

Have a great weekend!

Hi, I want to share this link with you. I've also added it to the front of my blog. Its a site that has over 400 FREE lessons to choose from, all you do is sign up once. The lessons vary from Math, Word, Excel, Access, Publisher, resume building, interview techniques etc. I have brushed up on Microsoft Word and my fractions! I <3 it!! Enjoy!

http://www.gcflearnfree.org/

I have returned Cont'd...

After visiting with Tia awhile on Family Day, Stephanie and I began making calls to Atg Rehab hoping to find one in the area. We got through to a receptionist who was going to try to find a technician who could drive to us rather than us driving an hour away, which would have been nice if she would have called us back! To make a long story short I got the idea to call the local atg rehab I always deal with to see if this was something they could help us fix over the phone. I had this problem once before and the technician came to my house and fixed it within minutes. We made the call and Chris, the wheelchair tech who came to my house, talked us through it step by step and we were rolling in 30 minutes!!!! Woot!! So, if this ever happens again, I will know what to do. :) We told him he gets a steak dinner...LOL :)

I mentioned in my last post about the field, the woods, the smoke and the 1200 soldiers. Here are some pics so you can see for yourself.

Beautiful, huh? :)



I've returned!!

Well, I arrived home from my trip last night, which was absolutely amazing!! It was so great to see my niece after 2 plus months. She looked a little tired, but she felt great and her spirits were soaring high! :)
We (Stephanie and I) arrived at the hotel Tuesday evening around 6:00. After getting settled in and freshening up from the long trip we decided our bellies needed filled. We went down the street and found a restaurant that neither one of us had ever eaten at before.... Shoneys. Unfortunately, it was not a good choice. My baked potato was undercooked and Stephanie's steak was over cooked! Grrrr! We went ahead and ate without complaining and came back to the hotel to watch tv and visit with my sister and nephew awhile. Later I noticed my breathing was labored some, which usually just means the batteries are low and need swapped. We checked the batteries and one of the indicator lights did indeed show one battery was low and needed changed. Well, after changing both batteries with brand new ones, my breathing was worse! Every time she moved the pacer it was shorting out!! I was so pissed!! I threw some F bombs and wanted to go to bed! Upon putting me to bed and turning my chair power off and on, an error message popped up on the screen! The message read "omni system error 810D". The result of this caused my chin control not to work!! I was LIVID!
The next morning we woke up and got ready to attend Family Day! I had contemplated arriving late to family day and trying to find a wheelchair company in the area first. Stephanie said, "No I will push your chair and we will make calls to wheelchair repair companies while there" That was a nice gesture considering a power chair is heavy to push, then you add my 115 pounds and the South Carolina heat on top of that... she was a real trooper!  :) Thank you Steph!!

As soon as we arrived we found our way to the wheelchair seating area. We spotted my sister and her family and visited with them until the "family day" ceremony began, which seemed like a life time!! :) Thousands of people were in the bleachers looking out in a HUGE open field that backs up to a deep wooded area. It started out  with a few people running out from the wooded area and throwing colored smoke bombs. Withn a matter of seconds 4 groups (280 in each group approximately) of soldiers start marching out on the field through the thick colored smoke and march in sync up to the bleachers. It was wonderful to see that many people dedicating their lives to our country.

After 30 minutes of dedication speeches, the families were FINALLY permitted to run from the bleachers to find their soldier. ;) Yay!! My sister and her family found Tia in the sea of soldiers and soon after they came up to me in the bleachers so I could get a hug!! She looked so happy!! It was so great!!!

This is her and I the minute we saw each other! She wears glasses so the military supplies these beauties. They are bcg's which stand for birth control glasses. Teehee! I heart you Tee!!

4 more days

I will be South Carolina bound in 4 more days! I'm so stoked about seeing my beautiful niece graduate from basic training and to also see her off to her next journey, which is AIT (advanced individual training I think). She will be going to San Angelo Texas for 7 months to complete that part of training. :)

I still need to get her a graduation gift, but have no idea what to get her! In basic training she earned the nickname Archer because she got her hands on tweezers and plucked her eyebrows. She could have gotten in a lot of trouble because tweezers are considered contraband, but I don't think she did. Anyway...for one of her graduation gifts her Mom bought her a pair of tweezers and is having "Archer" engraved in them. :)

Below are some pictures of her.

My doggies

I took my pooches to the vet today. I'm glad its usually a once a year event because its exhausting, not to mention expensive! They both did great despite being poked and prodded, but Buddy was pissed!! He did not like the girl holding him down to cut his nails!! He growled and snarled like I have never heard him snarl before. She had purple hair, spikes, peircings, a weight problem and an attitude problem! She was defensive because Buddy didn't like her. I told her "Its not just you, its everybody" which wasn't entirely true.

I saw a monkey today. Her name was Emma and she was there because she was running a fever. She was sitting on the bench like a human. I said, "Bye Emma I hope you feel better" She looked at me, but didn't throw poop. :) I heard monkeys do that sometimes! :( I could have taken her home...as my service monkey!!! Those do exist. Here is the clickable link... Monkey helpers 
Even if you aren't in the market for a monkey, the pictures will make you smile. :)

When your best is NEVER good enough!

Hi! I'm extremely frustrated, so this post will be a major rant. If you don't want to read my vent, you should probably click the red x in the right hand corner...

When I start my day I figure out what the day will consist of from beginning to end. What I will have the girls make me for dinner. What errands I need to do that day. I try to weigh out what is more important, groceries vs. house clean, etc. My wheels are always turning. I constantly find myself working out strategies in my head that not only include me, but include my bf too. For example, I want to have a salad for dinner, but Steve doesn't like salads. So then I have something cooked we both like, something we can share. I aim to please most every day because I want to know he ate a good meal. The problem is nothing is ever good enough!!! I finally told him today, "Nothing is ever good enough for you"

If it was perfect, I think he would find fault in it just to bully me!!!
The other night he woke me up to tell me not to buy skinny spaghetti anymore! Omg are you serious? Last night it was to ask me who was the last person to use the hose. I said, "your Mom" and he shut up. He wanted to hear me say the name of my nurse assistant so he could bitch.

I often ask myself, "Is he trying to get rid of me by bullying me and insulting me everyday. Does he REALLY hate skinny pasta or does he like torturing me about the choice I made of purchasing skinny pasta vs. regular spaghetti"

I have finally realized there is nothing I can do to please him!

Changes

As you have noticed I'm making changes to my blog. I'm probably going overboard with the purple hues, but I love the color. (At least this week anyway) :) If you think I should change anything because its hard to read or whatever, I welcome your critiques.

Last night we went to a bar in Troy to listen to the band called Lost on Iddings. Steve was asked to sing some songs and play the guitar with them, so I was sitting with a friend for awhile. Well, I noticed a man at the next table staring at me. As soon as my friend left, Mr. Googly Eyes came over! Ugh!! It was apparent he had been drinking too much because he was asking me a boat load of questions and telling me his life story! He said he is a tow truck driver and has to scoop brains off the road. I didn't realize that was in their job description, but anyway! He told me I'm lucky to have lived through my accident, but in the next breath he told me how fucked up my life has to be! I tried to explain my life isn't fucked up, but he had already convinced himself me it had to be nothing more than fucked up. He then started to rub my arm and ask if I felt it. I said, "alrighty now, yes and don't rub me"... Before I knew it he was reaching across rubbing my other arm!!! I said "okay, I gotta go" and got Steve's attention. Oh dear!

I like going to gigs, but I dislike sitting alone. This always seems like an invite for people to come and park in an empty seat beside me.

Planning my trip

I leave for South Carolina in 11 days and I'm getting uber excited!! I will be attending my niece's graduation from bct training and the family day Fort Jackson has for the soldiers and their families. It seems like just yesterday I was posting about her leaving! Here it is 10 weeks later already! I was told, "Don't worry it will go fast" and my god did it ever!! Yay!! :)

Family was here last week. It was Steve's Mom, three nieces and nephew. It was a fun visit as usual and I think they enjoyed it. Steve took them 4 wheeling on two separate occasions, the Darke County Fair and the nature center down the street. Steve's Mom and I took them to the mall once and we also had a couple nights we toasted marshmallows and made smores by the fire.

His dad might be coming next week for a few days, but its not written in stone yet. We will play that one by ear I guess. :)

Have a great weekend!

Bird man in Troy

As you know, I'm a lover of animals and stories of animal abuse make me crazy mad!! On August 8 (or around there) the news aired a story about a man in Troy hoarding exotic birds and neglecting them. When I heard his name I realized it was the man who lives directly behind me. I couldn't believe something so horrible was happening so close to home. I wanted to roll out my back door and open the door to the "house" the birds were barely "existing" in and set them free!!! I was heart broken for those poor birds and somewhat for the man responsible! I know... you probably want to cuss me out or throw rotten eggs at me now! Let me explain.

I would like to think this man, Doug Radcliffe, loves these birds and the situation got out of control. I myself want every dog I have an encounter with, whether it needs a home or not! :) If I didn't have Steve telling me "NO more dogs Cindy" each time I said, "Steve, this dog needs a home, can we please... pretty please adopt it" I would have 30 dogs I couldn't afford! I also heard from my neighbor (next door, not Doug) that the media blew things out of context. The living conditions in the house were deplorable, but the neighbor said Doug converted the house to a barn like atmosphere for the birds when he moved in with his sister. Regardless, its evident the birds need a better home and after this is over I hope the birds are in a home where they are well taken care of and surrounded by love! :)

Relationships part 3

I'm back to the steamy topic of relationships!

I have been in a relationship with the same man for almost a decade. Okay, that sounded like a life time! :) We met on the internet in 1997, when we both chatted via aol instant messager. I remember the first time we talked, he said something I found a little offensive and I cut the conversation short because of it. Obviously that didn't stop us from moving forward. :) Anyway, we met in person a couple months later when he drove from Delaware to Ohio and stayed in a motel down the street from the nursing home.

We had a good visit, regardless of being restricted to the nursing home and the limited number of places that were within walking distance, being I didn't have an accessible vehicle at the time. We took a walk to the hospital cafeteria next door, ate polish sausages while chatting uncomfortably for awhile and continued to hang out that evening drinking beer and chatting it up. He stayed until 11:00 that night and returned the next morning for a few hours.

We remained in contact, but I didn't see him again until September of 2001. This time we met in Washington, Pa. and stayed at a Holiday Inn. This time we hit it off and wanted to see each other more often. From that point on we made it a monthly ritual to get together whether it be him driving to Ohio or us meeting in Pa. We continued this ritual for a year and a half.

To be continued...

I'm back!!

Wow! It's been a rough couple weeks!! I had a sore I needed to nurse back to health which required me to stay out of my wheelchair and stay in the bed! I have learned through experience that because I have a spinal cord injury, I can't ignore areas that get pink or red. Doing so kept me in bed for 3 months with a stage 4 decubitus ulcer in 1997. Anyway... I think (and hope) everything is back to normal! :)

I went camping this weekend, something I hadn't done since I was a campfire girl in fifth grade. :) We attended the Miami Valley Music Fest in Troy where a bunch of bands performed and raised money for charity. Terrapin Moon was one of the bands and they were scheduled for 11:00 Saturday night. The ironic part of this was the weather man said there was a 60% chance that a thunderstorm could come through Troy at 11:00, the exact same time they were scheduled to be on stage. We didn't think much of it because well, weathermen don't exactly have a good track record of being spot on with their forecasts, ya know?

Unfortunately at exactly 11:00 the wind picked up, it got cold, the dark rain clouds rolled in, opened up and poured tons of rain. It was scary to see the fires at the camps blowing sideways and see the embers blowing along with the tents and chairs. We survived though, the show went on and all in all a great time was had! :)

Relationships part 2

I'm back again to finish my tirade about disabilities and relationships. :)

When I became disabled in 1992 I had been in a relationship for 5 months with a man I worked with at my factory job. Our relationship obviously didn't survive after my wreck and I was okay with it. I expected it. We were both young, had agendas, had routines and had dreams to chase. This tragedy happened, I couldn't escape it and there was no reason for us to pretend our relationship could continue to exist. After he and I parted ways, being in a relationship again didn't cross my mind for years. I never dreamed somebody would want me, a quadriplegic with a trache, paralyzed from the shoulders down.

In 1997 I was introduced to a wonderful invention that changed my life. You may have heard of it. It's called the world wide web. :) It was then that I began to go discover websites, disability chatrooms, forums and I also began to chat via instant message. I chatted with family, friends, people with disabilities and people who were attracted to persons with disabilities. Yes, you read that right. People who were attracted to persons with disabilities.

See, I was talking to a guy (through aol instant message)and he told me he was a devotee. I was confused and asked, "what are you devoted too?" He said "girls in wheelchairs". I was shocked! I couldn't believe such an attraction existed. While many people would think this is just down right disturbing, I was fascinated by the concept. For the first time since my injury, I actually felt like maybe there is somebody out there who will accept me and my disability and perhaps I will find love again.

Through the years from 1997 - 2002 I had met a few men online. I don't know if they were devotees or not, but I didn't care one way or the other. I think if people are attracted to persons with disabilities it doesn't classify them as freaks, monsters, weirdos, or whatever! When people with disabilities assume that devotees are weirdos because they are attracted to them, it makes me ask this question. What is it about yourself that you hate so much that you think somebody else cannot be attracted to you?

To be continued...

Disabilities and relationships

Today I had a conversation with somebody about disabilities and relationships and it made me realize how close minded people are.

The conversation started out being about this persons new boyfriend, who has been a diabetic for five years. She went on to say that because of his diabetes, it can cause some things to not fully function in the bedroom. After she shared this way too personal (and useless to me) information she said he was dating a woman last year, who was a paraplegic. As she was saying this, I literally saw a fricking light bulb go off in her head. At that exact moment she realized and shared with me that the reason he was dating somebody in a wheelchair was probably because he was compromised in the bedroom. In other words he lowered himself to date somebody who couldn't walk because she wouldn't get any satisfaction from an erect penis anyway because well, she's in a chair. ARE YOU SERIOUS!!

She looked at me as if she wanted my approval, my assurance or something! I looked at her and was dumbfounded by the bullshit that exited her mouth. I said, "I'm surprised you would think that way. People in wheelchairs can not only have sex, but they can be great lovers" I asked her "What makes you think he didn't have feelings for her?" She then began to trip over her words and back track what she said, which was visibly awkward for her.

The reason that this conversation left me dumbfounded is because I have been around this person on a regular basis for years and she knows I have a boyfriend. What blows me away even more, she has an adult daughter who has been in a wheelchair since birth. She has told me time and time again, "I wish my daughter would meet somebody like you have." Wouldn't that classify them as having short comings or being compromised? Pft!


To be continued...

Gas chamber

While performing one of my many daily facebook searches Sunday, I saw that Fort Jackson had an update on the D Company facebook page!! This update included 143 pictures of the soldiers in basic training completing the monstrosity of an obstacle course and the painful looking gas chamber!! Yowzers! I was able to see Tia in action after she left the gas chamber and as she was going through the course. She was on her back, in her fatigues and boots crawling under a rope. So great to see her! :)

Her boyfriend got a letter from her a few days. He said Tia was having a rough time adjusting as she wasn't making friends with any of the girls in her platoon and that she had even gotten an attitude from a couple of them. She said she was depressed and felt all alone! :( I can only hope that she is doing better by now and making friends. Tia is such a sweet girl I can't believe she is not making friends. I try and send a letter every day! She says the letters get her through the tough times!

I wish I understood...

I wish I had the ability to open up people's heads, take out their brain, unravel it and study the reasons why they do the things they do! If I had this remarkable ability my first brain observation would be my brand spanking new nursing assistant, who shall remain nameless!

She is cute, sweet, 30 years old, has two children and a shitload of ailments! Today she was suppose to be here at 4:00, calls me at 1:00 and says, "Cindy I'm not calling off, but (When she says but, it totally meant I'm calling off)I just got off work, I got 45 minutes sleep, I haven't eaten, I have an ulcer and I think the acids in my stomach are making me not want to eat. My head is foggy, too." In my head I am thinking how long is this diarhea of excuses going to continue, but that would be mean! So, I said, "Why don't you lay down for awhile, see how you feel and call me when you wake up" My gut told me this isn't really what she wanted to hear.

Anyway...I hadn't heard from her (no surprise) by 4:30, so I called her. Her Mom answers. Mom tells me, "yea, I was just going to call you. How ironic you called! "Name" isn't doing well. We have her in E.R right now, etc etc etc" I said, "Okay, well she is suppose to work this weekend and I need to know if I need a replacement" She interrupts "Oh no, she will not miss, she will get medicine for her stomach, go home, we go through this a lot" I reiterated the importance of me hearing from her tonight regardless and she again interrupts me and assures me I will be called.


This whole thing smells bad and leaves a sour taste in my mouth! My bf thinks I'm wrong and need to give people the benefit of the doubt like I'm a mean person. This is the second incident with her and the first time she missed a 10 hour shift and didn't call in or anything! I'm not mean, I'm stupid for giving her another opportunity to pull this stunt!

I'm still around! :)

Hello, I haven't posted in a little while and I began to feel guilty yesterday, so I made posting on my blog today a priority! I have been writing letters to my niece every day instead of updating my blog, but today I'm doing both! :)

We haven't heard from Tia in a few weeks because she doesn't have phone privileges right now, but Fort Jackson has a facebook page so families can see what their soldiers in Training do in basic training! Out of 115 pictures of the group Tia is in, we saw 0 of her! My sister and I were on the phone with each other yesterday and together we were also on facebook looking through these pictures, trying to see even the smallest glimpse of her face, her ear, her pony tail, her frickin finger, just SOMETHING, but to no avail! We were so delirious we were grasping at straws convincing ourselves somebody else's daughter was actually Tia! :) Well, this morning my sister posted a message and a picture on facebook about Tia. In one of those 115 pictures my sister spotted a duffle bag on somebody (who was cut out of the picture) that said Fox T. and her number. LOL!! Sooo funny!! Well, we know she is there, right!?!?

I took Buddy and Lady to the park today. It was a perfect day for the park. :) Two little kids wanted to pet them and well, they were soaking that attention right up. :) We walked them around for about an hour and left. While there, I saw that man I previously posted about, the one who I continue to run in to often. It could be totally coincidental, but none the less creepy!

Buddy is showing obvious signs of hip dysplasia. (sp?) I need to get him to the vet for x-rays and probably a regimen of tests to see exactly what is wrong, etc. He is limping and avoiding pressure on his left back leg. :(

I will go now! Take care and have a great weekend! I'm coloring my hair Saturday! Woot! :)

Not Guilty?? Seriously!!!

Casey Anthony was found not guilty today and I can't f$#king believe it! My jaw
dropped to my lap. I don't understand! This is somebody else getting away with murder right in front of our eyes! OMFG!!

She may have been found not guilty, but that doesn't imply she is innocent by any means!! She got lucky today. She got away with murder, but her day is coming and that day can't come soon enough! Ugh!

Happy July 4th weekend!!

I hope everybody has a nice holiday weekend!! I think I'm sticking around here unless we go to a party/music fest today. We were invited by one of the band members and I heard the guy having the "party" is the veterinarian I take my babies too. Can you say weird? The vet isn't weird, the idea of me going to a party and seeing him there is weird for me. This vet is pretty cool. The first couple times I took Lady, he seemed really matter of fact with no bedside manner whatsoever, but he eventually grew on me.

Last fall I went in there because my neighbor's 3 legged cat was in my front yard and appeared severely malnourished! This kitty needed help he/she was not getting at home. Okay, I need to back up and start from the beginning. Take a moment to get coffee or go potty. I will wait!

You back? :) Okay, this kitty, who I will call Lucky, came to my house and was sitting in the middle of my yard for a reason. This was another example of strays knowing which house they can come to and get help!! (In case you are confused, I'm referring to my post about animals). When my nurse assistant and I walked out the front door we both noticed Lucky immediately as he lay on his belly in the front yard not moving, just meowing! His meow was raspy and weak....upon us getting closer Lucky hobbled to us and began rubbing against my footplate. His eyes were cloudy, he was skinny, his mouth was swollen and something foul was oozing from his mouth. I decided to take him home and let his owner know he stumbled upon us and if they were looking for him, the search is over! In my opinion the kitty was in the condition it was in for a reason and that was pure neglect on their part. We drove Lucky to his home, my nurse assistant opened the van door, Lucky got out and they went to the door. Unfortunately nobody answered and Lucky jumped in the van! I'm serious, he wanted to go with us. We didn't know what to do but we both knew if Lucky didn't go with us he would be dead within days!

We then took him to Krogers and bought him a can of moist cat food and gave him some water, which he devoured even with the ulcer like sore in his mouth. We went back in, did the grocery shopping and when we came out to the van he was contently sleeping on the bench seat. We decided he needed to see a vet about his mouth. We took him to a vet across town and that was a waste of time and a waste of $89.00. She was an unprofessional bitch.... She continuously curled her nose up at the smell being omitted from his mouth (like he could help it) and she would not listen to what I was telling her. She gave him a shot of antibiotics and sent us on our way.

The next day he was worse! He would not eat, was very lethargic and not responding to our touch, our voices, nothing! We took him to the same vet I take my babies to and he said the cat was in bad shape! He would not give it an iv for dehydaration without doing blood work first because he felt this poor guy was sick with feline leukemia.

I then was faced with the decision to either spend more money on my neighbors cat who probably wasn't going to make it or put the kitty down and possibly face prosecution...I had a f&*king meltdown as this beautiful sick kitty layed lifeless on the table. The vet eventually helped me make the decision by confirming how sick Lucky was, how neglected he was and him making a recovery was nearly impossible. I then decided to have him put down, have him creamated and have his ashes spread in a park like setting where other animals ashes were spread. I felt doing it this way would give Lucky a better after life than his life here and now. He was a special kitty! :)

Tia left today...

Tia left today and I can't seem to pull myself together. As I type this I'm crying so hard and don't see an end to this feeling I have consuming me! I feel this big hole inside my heart! I imagine my little niece leaving her home and entering a big world where she isn't familiar with the surroundings or the people and I worry about who is protecting her. I know I'm a "Debbie downer" and not looking at the upside of this at all... it's hard though when somebody I love so much is away and I want her home again! :( I'm trying to support my sister and tell her "This is a great move for Tia" or "Sherry, she will be okay, she is a big girl"... I can't help her if I can't even keep myself together.

Now that my sweetie of a niece is in the army I have been on ebay searching for every sort of memorobilia that says Aunt and army in the same sentence! I found a vinyl car decal that says "Proud Army Aunt" that I'm going to bid on before it ends. :) I also joined or "liked" two army facebook pages one being the place she is stationed at for bootcamp. (Fort Jackson). I can read up on posts from family members who talk about their soldiers and even post my own. :) It fills the void...

Hopefully my next post will be more cheery! Have a good evening!