Shallow

I know the ending of my vanity post was shallow and I need to elaborate. The tanning bed and the sun worshipping that I should not continue to do is not the reason I wished I didn't get the areas removed and biopsied...sometimes it just seems like the less we know the better. Many people, my father for one, do not see doctors because they don't want to know if something is wrong or are afraid of finding out something is wrong. I see that as being somewhat rational and I completely share that mind set. Maybe that is why I think its rational? :) When my dad did finally start to see a physician regularly and did his yearly exams, there was always something found that caused concern, looked abnormal, needed more testing, needed biopsied and whatever else. The scare that is instilled in a person every time they see a doctor is enough to say "I'm finished with doctors"

Luckily I haven't reached that point. Now that a couple days have passed I am ready to take the bull by the horns and get this shit over with. This week I will have the surgery and be optimistic everything will be fine. I'm dreading it, but doesn't everybody? :)

I will post after I'm home. Thank you for reading!

Vanity

I have always been a vane (sp?) person. When I was younger I wouldn't leave the house without makeup, my hair would always have to be curled in case I ran in to somebody I knew, my clothes couldn't be left over from the night before, bla bla bla. You get the picture, right? :) Well, 18 years later I'm as vane now as I was then. Having a big electric wheelchair attached to me hasn't changed the way I want to look and want others to see on the outside.
I decided about a month ago I wanted to get two lesions removed from my face because I didn't like the way they made me look. I wasn't concerned really, just wanted them gone. I went to my doctor, she referred me to a surgeon, and two weeks after that I was having out patient surgery to have 3 areas removed. The surgeon found another tiny one tucked up under my bangs in my temporal region.
What I thought would be a simple procedure and quick recovery, was quite the contrary. I was on a liquid diet for 5 days, half my face was bandaged up like I had been cut from my head to my neck, I now have a 2" scar on the side of my face, and another 1" scar on my temple. All of that because I wanted 2 eraser sized lesions removed because I'm vane!! After the fact I said, "I will never electively put myself through that mess again"
So, after a week of going to the office for follow up appointments, this past Friday I went to have the last bandage removed, get the last of my stitches removed and be done with the doctor visits and the trips to Kettering.
Well, unfortunately that didn't happen. When I got in his office, he took the bandage off and sat down. He opened his chart and said two of those lesions were melanoma and I have to have another surgery to remove surrounding tissue and get a skin graft. I was stunned. It's like I heard him talking, but I didn't hear a word he said because my thoughts were going rampid to say the least.
Am I fortunate I went to have the areas removed? Or am I unfortunate I went to have the areas removed? If I would have left it alone and not had them looked at, I would never know and I could go on with life and continue my life style of laying in the tanning bed and enjoying the sun. Now, that I do know, I would be an idiot to continue to enjoy those things and not deal with the here and now!
I'm hating life right now!

So much for being rational

If you read my previous post you know I was having caregiving woes last week and wasn't sure how I was going to proceed. Well, I am not exactly proud of how I handled it, but its done with and hopefully the new nursing assistants I hired will work out wonderfully! :)

I hadn't had intentions on firing this person, but after she reacted so terribly when I told her we could not have a repeat of her actions the prior week and she went coo coo on me, I realized I wasn't dealing with a "full deck" if ya know what I'm saying! Soooo, good luck to her and hopefully she gets the help she needs! Buh-bye!

Have a great night!

Dependency sucks at times!

I am not one to dwell on the fact I'm a quadriplegic and need to depend on others, but at times the dependency takes its toll. First off, I have a handful of paid nurses and nursing assistants who come in everyday and help me with the things I need. These people are like my family. They have been with me for a long time and for the most part we get along great and things couldn't be better!

This week has been a different story, though! I've had a person call off their shift twice this week, which were all day shifts and could not be fully covered by somebody else because of the manner it happened. I know things happen, people get sick, kids get sick, people over sleep, cars break down, etc, but on the other hand, there are things that aren't okay and I'm not sure how to proceed on these scenarios. I've been going back and forth in my head what I need and want to do, but at times my frustration at situations like this can cause me to be irrational and in turn clouds my judgment.

I will say that I am fortunate to have a great group of peeps working for me and the incidents this week are few and far between, thank goodness! :)

Easter Egg Hunt 2

Yesterday was the easter egg hunt with the kiddies and it was so much fun! We started the evening off by having the kids find the easter eggs we had hidden earlier that day. We hid 66 plastic eggs around the yard, which they found mostly on their own, minus the couple times we dropped subtle hints and played the hot/cold game, which wasn't exactly helpful to 5 year olds who didn't understand "you're really warm" or "oh wow, you are freezing cold now" :)

After that we went inside and the kids opened their eggs to see what was inside. They found stickers, tattoos, money, candy and some eggs had a couple dog treats tucked inside so Buddy and Lady could reap the benefits, too. :) I think they preferred seeing stickers over the dog treats, but they handled it well. :)

We then went back outside to fly finger kites before it got dark. It was windy, so a perfect evening to fly them. It was comical watching them run around the yard dodging each other and dodging Lady because she was chasing them and their kites. :) She got her exercise that night!

After kite flying we went inside and ate cup cake ice cream cones and dyed easter eggs before our night ended.

Easter Egg Hunt

Tomorrow I'm having family and friends over to color easter eggs and have an easter egg hunt outside....it will be my brother, his wife, my nephews, my brother's twins nieces on his wife's side, my nursing assistant and her son. I'm hoping my older niece and nephew will come for awhile, too. Hopefully the kids will have fun!

Today my nursing assistant and I took the dogs to the park and it was like nailing jello to the wall. They were not behaving! Buddy ran out of the van before we could get his leash on, Lady followed suit, dumped in the grass and we didn't have paper towels or a bag, they were both pulling hard on their leashes to get to another dog, my N.A and I had a small misunderstanding and on the way out the other dog came up to the door as we were loading up and Buddy jumped out and they got in to it. NOT a good day at the park, unfortunately.

Have a great evening!